This week we have been rushing around trying to clear the house before we move out of it this Sunday. We had a lovely time on Friday with all of D’s (ex-) colleagues celebrating his seven years with the same firm since he left university.
I am massively excited to be able to spend a year travelling around the world and so grateful it will be with my wonderful husband. I am happy that we will be able to spend time together exploring new cultures, but nervous that I might (definitely will) put my foot in it at some point. I am determined to seize every opportunity that comes my way. I am shocked by how much stuff we crammed into our house and concerned by how little of it I can fit in my bag for a whole year of travelling. I am hopeful that I will be amazed and overawed during this coming year, but also worried that I will feel lost and lonely.
In 17 days we will begin our year of travelling, and I am an absolute bucket of emotions. Some are fantastic, others are horrendous, but there is one that stands out above all others; fear.
I’m scared of getting ill in a foreign country and not being understood. I’m scared of offending people without realising and also of missing what’s going on at home. I’m scared of being in danger. I’m scared of regretting our decision or of running out of money. I’m scared we’ll hate spending so much time together and ending up resenting each other. I’m scared of flying and I’m mostly scared of feeling like I’ve failed.
But in 17 days time, I’m going to step onto that plane anyway because the fear of something happening is always much worse than being in the middle of the situation you feared. The amount of brain power I could free up if I stopped micro-analysing everything that could possibly go wrong would power a small country for a week. One or more of these fears will be realised in the next year, we will deal with it together, but life will go on.
I know that we are incredibly fortunate to be able to travel, to have the freedom to go where we choose and stay for as long as we’d like. We are not required to leave or be subject to any other plans but our own; we are part of a privileged few that get to explore the world as we see fit. I am lucky that I have things to fear because I am in a position where I have something to lose. But if I let fear get the best of me then I will miss out on a whole world full of amazing experiences.
Plus, the plane tickets are non-refundable.